Yona Circle
Thursday Thoughts

Contemplations 103
Pain Relief

“To anyone living in persistent pain: it is possible to overcome chronic pain. You do not have to learn to live with it, or manage it. You can treat it and change it. No matter how out of reach this may seem, know that it is true. ‘You can if you think you can.’ “
~ Reverend Richoz, RN

Said every human that tried to … EVER.
I want to share a brief piece of my story with you. Some of you know it, some of you do not.


SPEAKING OF HEAD TRAUMAS…
In August of 2015, I was diagnosed with a 4cm (40mm) meningioma. Yeah. Golf ball sized for those of you who cannot envision how big that is. (Golf Ball Link) It was located in the right ventricle of my brain and growing on cranial nerves 3 through 8.

Long story, short … I was prepared for immediate surgery with one of the best Neurosurgeons in the SouthEast. That surgery would last for about 8 long hours. Upon my arrival to a nice Neuro ICU room, I began to come to. The pain that I felt was worse that delivering two babies at once… or for another visual, having your arm violently ripped off.

I…HURT.
Fentanyl, which they had to utilize a lot of in surgery, did not help me. Propofol just hushed the pain. There was no drug that could help me if I stayed awake.

Being a RN and knowing the severity of my condition, I was blessed to have one of the best Trauma RN’s in the world at my side. She is one of my best friends that went through the same accelerated nursing program that I did. I could feel that I was in good hands. I knew I was going to be taken care of. It felt divine that she happend to be working that day and was the familiar face I saw at the ER when I was being admitted.

The curtain fell and time passed.

After my stint in the Neuro ICU, then Step Down Unit, they sent me to rehab for what they thought was going to be weeks. No. I fought my way out of rehab. I was asking for test that NO ONE simply asked for but I knew the way it worked. I was a Med-Surg_Ortho RN a few years prior. I had them begin to teach me some basic self-care for my condition. I was shown how to speak again, techniques to use, and reading aloud was one of them! (I bought a lot of magick books that year!)

I will admit I was pissed to have to learn to do all of this over at 40+ years old. I told my Self that this was not getting the best of me. I was simply learning a “new” way… I was being challenged in all that I was.

After weeks in the hospital, I finally came home.

The first realty check with pain was felt when I tried to climb the front stairs into our house. Fortunately, we have a landing about half-way up the front stairs. While resting on that landing I could feel my brain literally pulsating with pain. I could feel the temperature of the air in places I had not felt on my head before. This too was going to be a “new” Experience.

A piece of my skull may have been gone, but I was ready.

After about a week at home crying from the overwhelming emotion of it all; the thought of everything I had lost or had to “give up”… hit my fragile ego. THIS was going to be a “new” Experience. I made up my mind at that very moment, “I got this”. I knew no one else could go through this but me. I sat and thought about things for a moment and I figured out what had to be done. I was going to heal.

I just did not fully know at the time what that was going to look like for me. I will tell you, it was horrible in the beginning. I did not know if I was coming or going most times and I had an 18 month old to look after!


REALITY CHECK
One afternoon, I suddenly feel a little hand slapping my face. I open my eyes and it is my Wee One trying to wake me up. That was a shameful moment for me. I have never been so scared in my life. Anyone could have walked into my house and raped me or took my childe. I was appalled at my situation. That very next day I stopped taking Neurontin, Trileptal, Robaxin, Hydrocodone, Bentyl and a sundry of other meds that were absolutely killing me, …not healing. And, sure as Hel were not helping anything else but empty our household budget!

It was hard at first. Withdrawing from all of that pharmaceutical trash was one of the most difficult things I have done. I empathize with those that choose to do the pharmaceutical path for any ailment. *I believe in your personal power. Or, you would not be here.* While I was detoxing I cleaned up my diet too. My husband and another best friend did it with me. (We went Paleo-Modified Keto for a few months.) It was working. The fog was lifting from me.

A few days after my nausea (probably from the pharmaceutical induced chronic gastritis) had begun to subside from the detoxification process. My “Nurse Brain” was kicking with everything I knew about the body and nutrition. I then decided I would look for someone to teach me yoga. Yeah. I know what you are thinking, but it works. I promise. You put in – you get out. Think about it… have you ever met anyone who does regular yoga have an unhealthy distribution of their body?
Anyway, I was scrolling through the interwebz and came across a name similar to my Eldest, Adrianne. I thought, “hmpf, I’ll check her out.” Knowing the origin of the name and the energy it naturally held and through gematria, I knew that divinely there would be something to her… and boy was I right!

Adriene Mishler helped me walk again. I started HERE


But I am not here to sell you on yoga, but MEDITATION.

Some of you already know this. The power of your mind is the greatest Universal energy that we can easily access. Well, not “easily”, but with continued practice. That energy is what connects you to your Divine, your Source. Think of Optimus Prime being linked to our star Sol. POWER. Or, Digimon whose powers originate from the Sun…. well, while it charges you, your source is your Consciousness which most feel connects through the Crown Chakra and Spirit or Soul Chakra. The problem is, we “forgot” how to tap into it, harness it, heal with it.

The power that YOU are connected to can do for you what it did for me.

BELIEVE IT.

I am currently off my cane and the first thing I completed that week was walking into my son’s dojo and earning my Pink Belt in martial arts. Magus D and I hike most Saturdays. I walk more now that I have in a very long time…. my determination and effort paid off.

I am now living my magickal life, just as I was always supposed to. ;-)

YOU can too! <3

#MindfulMeditation
#PowerOfTheMind

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Thursday Y23

General - Journal - Book of Shadows

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